news-dataset-1 = Tree stuck in tajaran; firefighters baffled.
news-dataset-2 = Armadillos want aardvarks removed from dictionary claims 'here first'.
news-dataset-3 = Angel found dancing on pinhead ordered to stop; cited for public nuisance.
news-dataset-4 = Letters claim they are better than number; 'Always have been'.
news-dataset-5 = Pens proclaim pencils obsolete, 'lead is dead'.
news-dataset-6 = Rock and paper sues scissors for discrimination.
news-dataset-7 = Steak tell-all book reveals he never liked sitting by potato.
news-dataset-8 = Woodchuck stops counting how many times he’s chucked 'Never again'.
news-dataset-9 = 'Here kitty kitty' no longer preferred tajaran retrieval technique.
news-dataset-10 = Man travels 7000 light years to retrieve lost hankie, 'It was my favourite'.
news-dataset-11 = New bowling lane that shoots mini-meteors at bowlers very popular.
news-dataset-12 = Skrell marries computer; wedding attended by 100 modems.
news-dataset-13 = Chef reports successfully using harmonica as cheese grater.
news-dataset-14 = Nanotrasen invents handkerchief that says 'Bless you' after sneeze.
news-dataset-15 = Clone accused of posing for other clones’s school photo.
news-dataset-16 = Clone accused of stealing other clones’s employee of the month award.
news-dataset-17 = Woman robs station with hair dryer; crewmen love new style.
news-dataset-18 = This space for rent.
news-dataset-19 = Skrell Scientist Discovers Abacus Can Be Used To Dry Towels
news-dataset-20 = Survey: 'Cheese Louise' Voted Best Pizza Restaurant In Tau Ceti
news-dataset-21 = Swamp Gas Verified To Be Exhalations Of Stars--Movie Stars--Long Passed
news-dataset-22 = Tainted Broccoli Weapon Of Choice For Syndicate Assassins
news-dataset-23 = Chefs Find Broccoli Effective Tool For Cutting Cheese
news-dataset-24 = Broccoli Found To Cause Grumpiness In Monkeys
news-dataset-25 = Giant Hairball Has Perfect Grammar But Rolls rr's Too Much, Linguists Say
news-dataset-26 = Gibson Gazette Updates Frequently Absurd, Poll Indicates
news-dataset-27 = Taj Demand Longer Breaks, Cleaner Litter, Slower Mice
news-dataset-28 = Survey: 3 Out Of 5 Skrell Loathe Modern Art
news-dataset-29 = Skrell Scientist Discovers Gravity While Falling Down Stairs
news-dataset-30 = Humans Everywhere Agree: Purring Tajarans Are Happy Tajarans
news-dataset-31 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: One Word In This Gazette Is Sdrawkcab
news-dataset-32 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It's Hard To Have Too Much Shelf Space
news-dataset-33 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Wine And Friendships Get Better With Age
news-dataset-34 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: The Insides Of Golf Balls Are Mostly Rubber Bands
news-dataset-35 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: You Don't Have To Fool All The People, Just The Right Ones
news-dataset-36 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: If You Made The Mess, You Clean It Up
news-dataset-37 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It Is Easier To Get Forgiveness Than Permission
news-dataset-38 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Check Your Facts Before Making A Fool Of Yourself
news-dataset-39 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: You Can't Outwait A Bureaucracy
news-dataset-40 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: It's Better To Yield Right Of Way Than To Demand It
news-dataset-41 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: A Person Who Likes Cats Can't Be All Bad
news-dataset-42 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Help Is The Sunny Side Of Control
news-dataset-43 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Two Points Determine A Straight Line
news-dataset-44 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Reading Improves The Mind And Lifts The Spirit
news-dataset-45 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Better To Aim High And Miss Then To Aim Low And Hit
news-dataset-46 = From The Desk Of Wise Guy Sammy: Meteors Often Strike The Same Place More Than Once
news-dataset-47 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Look Both Ways Before Boarding The Shuttle
news-dataset-48 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Hold On; Sudden Stops Sometimes Necessary
news-dataset-49 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Keep Fingers Away From Moving Panels
news-dataset-50 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: No Left Turn, Except Shuttles
news-dataset-51 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Return Seats And Trays To Their Proper Upright Position
news-dataset-52 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Eating And Drinking In Docking Bays Is Prohibited
news-dataset-53 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Accept No Substitutes, And Don't Be Fooled By Imitations
news-dataset-54 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Do Not Remove This Tag Under Penalty Of Law
news-dataset-55 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Always Mix Thoroughly When So Instructed
news-dataset-56 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Try To Keep Six Month's Expenses In Reserve
news-dataset-57 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Change Not Given Without Purchase
news-dataset-58 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: If You Break It, You Buy It
news-dataset-59 = Tommy B. Saif Sez: Reservations Must Be Cancelled 48 Hours Prior To Event To Obtain Refund
news-dataset-60 = Doughnuts: Is There Anything They Can't Do
news-dataset-61 = If Tin Whistles Are Made Of Tin, What Do They Make Foghorns Out Of?
news-dataset-62 = Broccoli discovered to be colonies of tiny aliens with murder on their minds

## Commented
# {{AFFECTED}} clerk first person able to pronounce '@*$%!'.
# {{AFFECTED}} delis serving boiled paperback dictionaries, 'Adjectives chewy' customers declare.
# {{AFFECTED}} weather deemed 'boring'; meteors and rad storms to be imported.
# Most {{AFFECTED}} security officers prefer cream over sugar.
# Palindrome speakers conference in {{AFFECTED}}; 'Wow!' says Otto.
# Question mark worshipped as deity by ancient {{AFFECTED}} dwellers.
# Spilled milk causes whole {{AFFECTED}} populace to cry.
# World largest carp patty at display on {{AFFECTED}}.
# Guy gets tattoo of Tau Ceti on chest '[pick(CentCom,star,starship,asteroid)] tickles most'.
# {{AFFECTED}} Baker Wins Pickled Crumpet Toss Three Years Running
# I Was Framed, jokes {{AFFECTED}} artist
# Mysterious Loud Rumbling Noises In {{AFFECTED}} Found To Be Mysterious Loud Rumblings
# Alien ambassador becomes lost on {{AFFECTED}}, refuses to ask for directions
# Survey: 80% Of People on {{AFFECTED}} Love Clog-Dancing
# {{AFFECTED}} Phonebooks Print All Wrong Numbers; Results In 15 New Marriages
# Tajaran Burglar Spotted on {{AFFECTED}}, Mistaken For Dalmatian
# Esoteric Verbosity Culminates In Communicative Ennui, {{AFFECTED}} Academics Note
# Boy Saves Tajaran From Tree on {{AFFECTED}}, Thousands Cheer
# Shipment Of Apples Overturns, {{AFFECTED}} Diner Offers Applesauce Special
# Spotted Owl Spotted on {{AFFECTED}}
